Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Update, Homowait, Foley-gate, Nip / Tuck Great

- Sorry , I have been all MIA recently, I have really been all busy and shit trying to get my boss elected so he could help rid our great land of dickwipes...here are some breaking news in the land of Corneliuston...

- Nip / Tuck is my mutha fuckin show jammy jam jammmmm. The homoerotic undertones coupled with unneccesary plastic surgery makes me want to prance around my room in a pair of high heels to The Cure demanding that my cat "put the lotion on it's skin before she gets the hose again". One of my exes, was a plastic surgeon, and the life that he and his little small dicked posse of fellow surgeons led really mimics the show. Bitches got fucked left and right for operations, it was kinda the reason we seperated, that and the fact he canceled a dinner date with me to have sex with an underage escort when I totally would give it up for a vodka tonic and metro fare home from his place. fuckin hoe.

- Holy Foley! Big fag, guess who else is...Hastert. Everyone fucking knows that. Notice how all the people are not denying they knew the whole Foley thing a while back, but they are just trying to pass responsibility...it's because the hill is covered with Souffle-baking, Dusty Springfield singing, mo mo a go gos. You couldn't drop kick a hairless asian twink with a ballgag on this hill without hitting a pole smoker. Wanna hear some other fun gossip...do your research and see which Chief of staff not only is the highest paid, yet least qualified and also lives with the Congressman they work for?? I'll give you a clue...his boss' last name rhymes with Bastert. EVERYONE KNOWS!!!!

- Worker bees on the hill get to go to receptions all the time. These receptions are open bar, full food spread, and usually only attended by us poor ass staffers, it is a rare sight to see a representative, Senator or their man-child love-slave there. A certain number of these receptions are notorious for getting a lil rowdy with all us young hill staffers getting a little too drunk and trying to hide Coronas in their briefcases for the metro ride home. Well suprise mutha fuckin suprise, which member of congress has a reputation of showing up for these drunken shenanigans???? It rhymes with Perv-oley. Bitch had crazy "man huntin" eyes. All I have to say is that shit is about to hit the fan, the GOP now stands for "Gagging On Penis".

- I got to go to to NYC this past weekend with Miss Christy to visit our great friend Anna. While on the bus ride (we be classy bitches and travel in style) we played a great game called "If you were a stripper, and the DJ at your strip club hated you, what song would he play to make you depressed and cry when it was your turn to go to the pole and rub your twat in Japanese businessmen's faces?" It's a great game...we played it loudly, our current winner is "Lady in Red" and "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore". Nothing like a rousing game of "Sad Stripper Songs" to make daddy thirsty. As soon as we got off the subway at Anna's place we were all up in a liquor store. Wine, vodka, beer, vodka, more wine, hobo urine, god knows what else was ingested by me. I am truly suprised i didn't fall off of a roof. Anna took us to a great Tapas restaurant called Sol y Sombra where we pigged out and I had the best quail EVER. I am such an asshole, I eat quail at every chance, give me a small harmless fucking bird, I'll fucking chomp on that bitch. If you are ever up on the upper west side GO TO SOL Y SOMBRA!!!! We hung out in the park, went to a party where i fell down repeatedly, and then i decided to call my ex boyfriend while retardedly drunk which is fast becoming a disturbing pattern.

- Ok that is it for right now, if you behave yourselves, i will post a story shortly involving me, different colored scented toilet paper, my dowager maternal grandmother, and a church fashion show involving all of the above.


At 12:16 PM, Anonymous Rachael said...

Bring on the stories


Post a Comment

<< Home