Friday, September 08, 2006

Shit in one hand...cock in another.

- I think that's how the "olde timey" saying goes, but anyway it is an apt description of the way i feel and the dilemma i am faced with. While minding my own business, sipping some tea this past Wednesday, my cell being the total finger counter, didn't screen the call and picked it up. It was my ex...the old one...that bought me a puppy...and stole it back...and killed a baby (just kidding, i think).

The ex with his baby doll "Chevrolet".

He was very cordial and asked me how life was going, blah blah blah. Bitch must have been on some Bolivian marching powder cause "coo coo for crack rocks" did not shut up. He basically said he called because he was finishing unpacking his photos and pictures into his new condo (which is glass bottle chucking distance from Lady Benjamina's apartment) and stumbled (more like used as an erotic aide) upon a picture of me and MY puppy that he had taken by a professional photographer many months ago. He said it warmed the cancerous lump in his chest he calls a "heart' and wanted to know if I was interested in "Still being friends with him". Erm...B'scuse me?? "Friends"?? "Friends"?? If by friends he means, would i be interested in tricking him into trusting me and then throwing all his suits into a bathtub and lighting it on fire a la "Waiting to Exhale" while he is out purchasing me a new nose and chin...then yes. If he means, would i be willing to sit on the phone all night with him gabbing about his latest 12 year old hairless Slovenian conquest and having "Girl Parties" watching muther fucking Bridget Jones and eating fucking brownies...then he can take his dick, numb it with an icecube, snip it off, bend over, and shove it up his ass, he can go fuck himself. Gabbing about sex is reserved for Miss Christy and Lady Benjamina, and this blog. I did however agree to meet up with him next weekend at Zengo's (which is my favorite place) to get drinks, his treat of course, and then head to JR's where a sauced up Lady Ben will be waiting to steal his keys so we can go liberate my puppy. Who's up for joining us???


At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm very good at picking pockets too!!! lets get his amex and go shopping a la blu cantrell fame!@!!

-HRH Lady Benjamina of Lancaster-shire.

At 10:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

last nite we were out and this guy named will came up to christy and said "if i had a brick, i would smash your face into it".. it was a very classy night for christy again puking in my sink.


At 11:18 AM, Anonymous christy said...

oh p.s. to that story, i already knew Will (remember, the australian guy who came to the Gold Party), and he said that because i was making fun of him trying to speak french. and it was a joke.

but yeah, i did end up puking in the sink yet again...

At 11:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

a proper drunkess will not leave her cookies sitting unattended in someone else's sink. oh no. it's simply not done.

At 8:32 AM, Anonymous miss christy said...

anonymous: don't worry, i cleaned it up right afterward. Plus, it's my boyfriend's sink, so i do have a bit of social leverage there.


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