Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Holy shit that was a strong drink...


- Yeah so I have been out for a while, let's play catch-up shall we chil'rens....

- Old roommate is out, I now live alone. The thing is, I had to call the loverly DC metro police officers to escort her, and her "Thug life" boyfriend and his 4 children out of my apartment. It's always refreshing to be sitting in your bedroom, watching "So You Think You Can Dance" and hearing "Thug-life" saying that he wants to "Kill that faggot ass punk". Yeah so in all actuality, the cops came twice, in one week, I felt all Maury Povitch. Once to get them out of the apartment because my roommate said the only way she was going to leave is if "The mutha fuckin cops" dragged her out. Well, being the sassy Sally that I am, I called the cops, and told them that she was not going to leave my apartment until "The mutha fuckin cops" dragged her out. It was great. And I totally was all up in my roommates face because she thought that when you get kicked out of an apartment, that means you can take whatever you want. Like the microwave, toaster, coffee maker. Bitch must be smoking crack. I made the cop retrieve all of MY major kitchen appliances that she had shoved into her "moving garbage bag". Then I saw that she had taken all the toilet paper, paper towels, spices, cleaning supplies and silverware. I was not having it. Bitch also tried to steal 2 of my bags of salad, and my frozen chicken breast. She is such a whore, I am totally gonna get her fired from her job too, because (super secret, don't tell anyone) she let's one of her students smoke pot. Hell hath no fury like a fag whose roommate stole his Hidden Valley Fat Free Ranch Dressing. Is it wrong that with this new single-ness all I do is dance around naked to the song from the Old Navy commercial (that I downloaded) and masturbate?

- I am once again student teaching this summer at Maryland. I am teaching "Intro to American Government" also known as the class that immigrants and retards take to pass their citizenship test. IT SUCKS BALLS. The class is 2 hours long, Monday-Thursday. And since most of the students are too retarded to read their textbooks, I have resorted to showing tivo'd episodes of "The West Wing". Bitches got all confused when I was trying to explain our bicameral legislative branch and our three branches of government. This one little Asian girl (Who I call Ping) was on the verge of tears, because I yelled at her when she said that "If we have a bicameral legislative branch and 3 branches of government, then we must have 5 branches of government". Those Asians...Always doing math. Then I asked the class "Can anyone name the three branches of government" and this crazy white trash-fuck your cousin-I think girls in nascar shirts are sexy, called out (he didn't raise his hand, I am totally taking points off for that) George Bush, Dick Chaney (he giggled when he said dick), and Condeleezza Rice. I almost cussed him out and sprayed him with mace. But on the upside, Today's student is Tomorrow's mechanic.

- My friend from London is coming into town this weekend for a visit. This weekend is also PRIDE.

PRIDE + ENGLISH MAN = STICKY HAIR AND DISLOCATED HIP

3 Comments:

At 4:49 AM, Anonymous Captain Peecock said...

Greetuns my Lil Corn Niplet,

Was that the Indian girl that you kicked to the curb? You know how spicy they are. I guess she didn't "curry" favor with her b-hole of a b-friend by roomin' with a Sassy Sally!

Can you really dance and wax your carrot at the same time?!

The 3 branches of government are [of course] Republicans, Democrats, and Independents. Ping prolly thought 5 cuz she was including the Greens and the Libertarians. But we all know they don't count. She musta felt like a real maroon!!

PRIDE + HOT MENS = CREAMY MEATSICKLES GALORE!!

 
At 8:11 AM, Anonymous christ why? said...

you know, that branches of government comment would have been satirical if said by anyone but NASCAR boy. why is it that rednecks make everything so obnoxious??? [calvert county 4-eva!]

 
At 11:00 AM, Anonymous miss christy said...

Congratumalations on your sticky hair and dislocated hip... :-)

 

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