Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Legendary...

- Mizz O did it again. As you know from my previous post, I was all up in the Legend's Ball last night. I had my 5th of Stoli and some pre-made crystal light on my side table and girl, I was singing along with the gospel hour of Jesusness at the end and found myself greeting her guests (talking to my T.V. of course) as they arrived. "Oh hey Diana Ross, Gurl your hair is all hot mess with a beret of autism". "Hey Janet, I hope you not gonna pop yo tit-tay out during the soup course of O's meal, She'll sic Gale on yo ass". It made me want to be a black woman soooo bad. As much as I wish, I know it will never come true, I will never be one of Oprah's "Legends". The closest chance I have in attending this shin-dig is fucking Colin Cowie. But Miss O looked fierce, Like one of those $3 Black and White cookies you get in Starbucks...



- But C'mon O, Dionne Warwick??? A Legend?? If you possess psychic abilities, do you automatically get to be a "Legend"?



- Of course Mizz Banks was there with Kabuki make-up and portly sobbing mother in tow.



- But the best part by far was when Oprah gave out "Little parting gifts" to her guests (Huge fucking diamonds) and someone off camera asked, "Are these real gurl?". Wonder who could have said that??? We're looking at you Peaches from "Peaches and Herb" fame. You know that bitch pawned that shit.



- Unfortunately, some legends were snubbed, I would just like to recognize two of them. LaQuizno James and Precious Washington. It is because of these two women that "Fat Ho Porn" was forced to integrate, and we all know that white "Fat Ho's" and their producers were notoriously racist. Kudos LaQuizno and Precious, America thanks you.

5 Comments:

At 11:14 AM, Blogger Taylor said...

ok, LaQuizno's breast doesn't even look like a breast. Looks like Precious is just holding one of those round loaves of bread that you buy at an expensive bakery.

At least LaQuizno has cleaned up her act. She is a millionaire now because of her chain of toasted subs.

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Cornelius said...

You mean "Toasted love subs"

 
At 8:29 PM, Anonymous christy said...

i just wanted you to know that the Humpin Hippos are now my desktop background :-)

 
At 1:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

uhmmm...any homo worth his weight in stoli would know that Miss Dionne was a pop DIVA singing sophisticated pop hit after hit throughout the 50's and 60's, imbuing Burt Bacharach/Hal David compositions with just enough soul to have all the white people fawning (not frightened as they often were), sealing classics that will forever be remade (House is not a Home, Walk on By, I Say a Little Prayer) way before tragicly turning comic fodder as a psychic friend pusher. anyways, love your blog, but i had to set a ho straight when you came draggin for miss D. let it be known, if you didn't know, Dionne Warwick is a legend.

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger Cornelius said...

I stand corrected.

 

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