Monday, April 24, 2006

Weekend recap...

- Friday: Party at International Student House (above) in DuPont for my loverly English intern, Ele. Ohhh lordy lordy. Coco drank a jug of wine before leaving, braved the metro, drank 3 gasoline strength V&T's then half a milk jug of sangria (made by actual, real live Spaniards!!) I met a bunch of great people and it makes me want to get the spork out of DC ASAP. Now some people might have no idea that there is a GIANT dorm full of international students right on the edge of 17th street. This place is better than Jesus. I am totally partying there from now on. Hot Dutch guys, strong drinks, conversations about "Little Britain". I was in heaven. After the party, 2 of my co-workers and a friend from London stumbled over to Fox and Hounds. LORDY LORDY. I was a hot mess. Not only did I get totally molested by a random gay boy in front of said co-workers, but I held a conversation with an Irish man in Korean. I was like an alcoholic mobile UN. After Fox and Hounds, I managed to crawl home and into my comfy bed.

- Saturday: Went to look at a few apartments in the AdMo area (still drunk) and was SORELY disappointed. One room was, no lie, 6 feet by 8 feet. The former tenant told me it "used to be a closet but the landlord wanted to make some extra money so he put a light fixture in it and decided to call it a bedroom". The clincher is, the landlord wanted to rent it out for $800 a month!!! I was like fuck that, peace out crazy. After the apartment let-down, I headed over to Ben's and proceeded to get drunk with him, mind you, this is all before noon. So we get tipsy, and I start home. Who do I run into, MY EX, the jailbird lobbyist. Not only do I do the morally right thing and not kick towards his testicles, or take a dump on his Benz. But I totally forgave him. I mean, I was the best thing going for him, he's practically elderly, I actually liked him, and he fucked me over, I offered him absolution, I win, he loses.

- Sunday: Looked at another apartment in "AdMo" which was actually located in Shaw. These retards are trying to say that "Howard University Adjacent" is AdMo, bitches please. The closest thing to Adams Morgan that the neighborhood had was the homeless man named Adam drinking a bottle of Capt. Morgan on the stoop of the building. Needless to say, walked down Columbia and ran into a guy I used to fuck, Damn he looks like shite. Unintentionally ducked into the ATM booth and took out money I shouldn't had just to avoid talking to him. If that wasn't the baby vomit on my diarrhea cake, as I was walking into Starbucks, who do I see, the EX from the day before. and get this...He was wearing BUGLE BOY JEANS!!!! hahahahaha. I almost shat myself. So I called him out, stole the metro section from his Washington Post, took 2 of his ciggs and totally flicked him the bird and walked away. Oh it was a very Chaka Khan "I'm Every Woman" moment. But I wonder if this negates my "high road" approach from the day before. Oh well, It's all in meeeeee.

- I am officially broke this week because my parents went on vay-cay and forgot to send me my allowance check, so if anyone wants to take me out for a drink, or come over and share a jug of wine (your treat of course) I will let you hit my roommate with a wiffle ball bat while she sleeps.


At 1:46 PM, Blogger RetroDragon said...

I love the fact that you basically mugged your ex. Serves him right. Did you swipe his keys so you could go steal back the dog?

At 7:36 PM, Blogger Taylor said...

i should tell you that you are quite the storyteller. great metaphors. if you had to pick a nom de plume (aside from cornelius-a-go-go), what would it be?

At 10:51 PM, Anonymous Pook said...

I love Bugle Boys...well never. Better off without old man.
I tried to email you about the condo in U Street but your email bounced back. It's a bit big for you and out of your price range...but its new. 3 br (2 bd and big den) and 2 bath for $3000. Let me know if you want more info.

At 2:47 PM, Blogger Cornelius said...

RD: The dog loves me more than him, everytime I walk past my ex's place towards Ben's apartment, the dog smashes his face against the window and tries to get out, It's not kidnapping, it's animal liberation.

Taylor: I am the king of Metaphore-play. My nom de plume in high school was Nigel Witherspoon because I tried to talk with an english accent.

Pook: Yeah, that is a tad bit pricy for my ass, but it sounds nice.


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