Thursday, April 27, 2006

Animal Watch, OUT / Metro Weekly Watch, IN

- As some of my loyal readers from way back in the day remember, every Thursday I would do a piece called "Animal Watch". It was basically a biting social commentary on the "Animal Police Blotter" that the Washington Post did every Thursday. Well since I can no longer steal my neighbor's WaPo because he has threatened me with bodily harm, I have decided to do "METRO WEEKLY WATCH". Depending on how many bumps of meth you have snorted off of an erect penis in Cobalt's bathroom, having your pic in Metro Weekly is either "Fucking Sweet Gurl" or "Oh shit, my life is over". I fall into the latter category. The day you see my face in metro weekly is the day I commit hari-kari with my Williams-Sonoma breadknife (with natural walnut handle). So without further ramblings, I present METRO WEEKLY WATCH!!!

(These pictures were taken at Cherry, which I am guessing is a really gay farmer's market)

- Presenting the "GAYEST GAYS EVER"

- (This guy's internal monologue) "Flags make me sexy, These flags are so sexy, Flags make me sexy, I just wish I didn't eat my emotions".

- "Tristan opted for a tasteful metallic silver mesh veil for his 17th street commitment ceremony to Ryan, a man he met 25 minutes earlier at an all night orgy held in the basement of a local middle school. The groom also chose to accessorize with a silver Universal Gear nut sling. The co-groom wore a syringe in his arm and raved danced down the isle to a "Totally Snotty" remix of Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics. The couple is registered at Velvet.


At 6:00 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Oh my lord. These captions are a thing of beauty. Well played!

At 7:44 PM, Blogger Taylor said...

okay this has to be a standard cornelius thursday installment.

i was in MW three times within the first six months that i lived here. fortunately i haven't been in it since.

At 10:33 AM, Blogger Dale said...

I was a *gasp* coverboy.... yes yes let the mocking begin. Although I will state for the record I have never been photographed wearing sunglasses inside... tres tragique.


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