Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Ex, Rave Dancing, Cherry Blossom Tourists and other Stupid Things

- So as some of you all may know, St. Cornelius day is coming up. Planning on getting wasted, getting laid (hopefully by a stranger) and wallowing in my gold-leaf birthday cake vomit. So if you see me out on Sunday night with a big ass goofy gold crown on my head, buy me a shot, touch my gentle berries, and wish me a happy St. Cornelius day.

- And on to my ex/dead/missing/in prison boyfriend. So as you all know, I had been dating a slightly older man (9 years younger than my parents). All was going great, it was all dinner at Zengo and fundraisers for diabetic retarded children of bisexual artists with the Von Opstrums. About three weeks ago I awoke in the morning got dressed and the boyfriend took me to brunch. I got the granola (umm, fiber), he got the scotch eggs. He dropped me off at my place and told me to give him a call later in the day so we could walk our dog. Yes my one love, the pup. So I give him a call around dusk so we could go to the dog park on 26th. No answer. It was no big deal, I headed off to the gym and gave him a ring when I got home. No answer again. 3 weeks and 5 unreturned phonecalls later, I believe that I am single by default. The audacity of some people. Honestly, you take me out for brunch, we kiss goodbye and then you go join the cast of LOST? As I mentioned in an earlier post, he was kind of in a little trouble with the government because of some financial largesse that he had taken in part of. Well a week after him going missing, I read a Washington Post article about his records being subpoenaed. Methinks he might be in prison, or at least that's what my ever chipper, slightly delusional, vicodin are breath mints ego wants to believe. Fuck him, I want my dog back.

- So on the theme of "Whoa, Cornelius should wear a helmet he is so stupid". I was talking with my good bud Ben the other day about the closing of a DC (mental) institution, NATIONS, or as I call it, GAYTIONS. I started going to that death-trap back when I was 16. It was BUZZ every Friday night. Then as I slowly realized that I was interested in bumping baby junk with other guys my age, I used to be a faithful attendee of VELVET. From the scabies filled foam parties with Miss Christy to really inappropriate behavior behind the DJ booth, It was my constant. A place where I could kick off the shackles of an upper-middle class suburban existence and get a blowjob by a Brazilian sailor while his girlfriend takes pictures. I feel that many of you readers share my sepia tinged feelings.
As I reminisced, I remember back to the day. Then I realized, holy shit I must have looked like a total tard back in the day. I used to dance with glow-sticks. I tried to rave dance. I fell off boxes. I got my car impounded one too many times for parking illegally. I told total strangers P.L.U.R. and felt love. And everyone out there can sympathize, whether it was NATIONS, BADLANDS, or whatever queer bar you first went to in your podunk town. The memories from your first same sex dance are burned in your gray matter like a cigg butt in a tranny's arm. I just hope that DC will get its act together and allow another club to open where all the little oversexed, under aged, whores for free vodka before 11pm, gay boys and their sassy girl friends and the creepy old DC politicos that prey on them can gyrate their glitter lotioned chests off. Kudos NATIONS!

- Last stupid observation of the day. Cherry blossom tourists + Metro = Me cussing out a Principal from the Mid-west. Listen asshole. I know you are in charge of 40 little shit-stains and you feel the need to cram every one of their fucking cystic acne filled faces on the same metro car. I understand that you are not used to "big city life" or underground horseless carriages, or even common sense. But please for the love of all that is holy, If you want to keep your pride intact in front of your students don't rush onto a car when the door first opens while people are trying to get off. You may think you are pretty smart by pushing the kids in front of you so no one will say shit to you, but you are dead wrong. As you witnessed today, an incredibly attractive gay man tired of helmet cases like you will tell you and your kids to "Back the fuck up cunts". Yes you heard it right when it first came out of my mouth and yes that was a slight applause you heard afterwards. Next time, stay above ground. All the sights in DC are walkable.


At 9:45 AM, Blogger Taylor said...

or at least stay off the train during rush hour. there's a reason why day passes on the metro don't start until 9:30.

you had nation ... i had backstreet in atlanta. it's been gone for 3 yrs now and will soon be a high-rise condo.

enjoy the b'day festivities ... i'll be in charleston this weekend otherwise you know i'd be there ...

At 11:07 AM, Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders said...

FYI - It's Carrie's birthday this weekend as well so if I fondle your berries, I'll expect the favor to be returned.

At 11:23 AM, Anonymous the christ said...

i wouldnt be too hard on your ex/whatever, it sounds like he is going thru a lot esp. since his buddy just got put away.
and you know it totally makes my day when people yell profanities at small children ;-) keep up the good work!!!

At 12:17 PM, Anonymous Pook said...

Sorry to hear about your ex/convict. You must pick up the dog!! If he just disappeared from you, imagine what he did you your pup!!

At 12:44 PM, Blogger Dale said...

I make it a point never to date felons, that being said lets break into his place and snatch your ppoch!

Sorry about not being able to make a cameo this weekend... I owe you a drink (I refuse to touch your berries)


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