Monday, February 06, 2006

Skipped class today...


- Yeah you read the post title. I am such a bad boy, I need a spanking or whatever you perves have floating through your heads. Now skipping class is no big deal, it's getting caught by your mother, who is paying for your college and law school, that really fucks yo gay ass over. I know, I am a fag, but I stayed up late watching the Superbowl and drinking booze cheaper than my ex. So I was hungover and didn't feel like taking the trek to CP and decided instead to watch the ELLEN show. Cornelius loves him some lesbian chatshows. Especially today, when she had her 30 year high school reunion on her show. How embarrassing for her classmates. Here she is, this multi-millionaire, with her own show, bff with A listers, and there they are, pumping gas, beating their kids ect. I only say this because I attended my 5 year reunion this past November and I felt the same way. While all the football team had 600 kids and worked at Target, I was drinking with dignitaries, getting accepted into law school, and throwing up in front of the Supreme Court. Anyway, I guess to each his own (but we all know that mine is better). Soo anyway, my mother called me today when I was supposed to be in class and found out I was skipping. I told her that I had a rough weekend and needed a day off. She was all like, "Rough weekend my Talbot's-pantsuit-ass". So as punishment I had to tell her just how rough my weekend was. It went summin like dis....

- Friday night...Boyfriend officially invited me to Palm Springs for spring break. Got drunk off of Sparks to celebrate. Happy hour on 17th, Played with boyfriend's new puppy. Cleaned up "dog shit caused by throwing puppy in air".

- Saturday night...Went to AdMo with the bf. Started out at LeftBank for a few vurrrry duuurty martinis, then headed to Felix for friend's b-day party. He rented the upstairs balcony loft thing and lord have mercy, it was a capital hill orgy of staff ass. Ran into the Sassmasters Chip and Dale, Dan Lubrano (who I just found out gives golden showers to people at private parties) Sean, and this douche named Tom who has Ted Kennedy's chin and his dead secretary's personality. Told a girl that she had magnificent titty balls (she then flashed me and the bf) had 4 more duuurty martinis and bid farewell the the crowd. Headed over to Amsterdam Falafel, to chat with the legal writing professor (who also owns the place) and discussed how great it is that he stopped smoking hashish. Went back to bf's place, played with puppy, cleaned up more "please don't toss a 9 week old dog into the air shit", went to bed realizing I have an amazing boyfriend.

- Sunday...Woke the bf up early to go to brunch (Cashion's Eat Place, tote's gay btw, you could see the host's meat through his pants they were so tight) and looked at his new home. Went to new bf's place, acted all gay and talked about how hot stainless steel appliances are, greeted his new (incredibly gay) neighbors, Met his friends so they could give the puppy a fucking goddamn Louis Vuitton collar and leash that costs more than my monthly rent, cleaned up some more puppy shit, came home to watch the game, drank a 12 pack of rolling rock, and passed out to "Are You Being Served" DVD.

- Today...woke up late, 3 cups of coffee, watched ELLEN, talked to mom, danced around my apartment to "Xanadu" by Olivia Newton John way too many times, did laundry, made bloody mary's for myself, reread some good ole David Sederis and now I am bloggin, how fucking productive.

2 Comments:

At 5:53 PM, Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders said...

I don't see anything wrong with that. Sounds like lots of drinks were had and a bitch is entitled to her day off after that.

Did they ever find Olivia's boyfriend that went missing? I never heard anything else about that.

"who has Ted Kennedy's chin and his dead secretary's personality"
No ma'am!

 
At 1:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

were ya dancin' 'round in yer undies, or nekkid wiv yer big ol' meat piece afloppin' about like a netted tuna?! and why yous be checkin' out dem other packaged meatsickles when you gotsa man of ya own?

Cornbread, me wants a taste of some of dat fresh bubbly batter!

 

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