Friday, February 10, 2006

An email from Mother...

- Ohhhh my mother. Great woman. Totally independent, smart, sassy, hilarious after a few glasses of wine. My mother and I have one of those typical gay son/mother relationships where we can totally bitch about family together and go shopping with my father's money. So every so often she sends me an email from her work. See her secretary is a sassy black woman that has ABSOLUTELY no boundaries. This woman forwards the most inappropriate emails to my mom and in turn she emails them to me. Well this one takes the "holy fuck I should have never taught my mother how to use a computer" cake. Not only does it have Christian values at it heart, but also a liberal sprinkling of curse words...Just like my mom.

(actual email that my mother received from her secretary and then forwarded to me.)

HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK

When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@@ out of her". You need to pray at work.

When someone comes in and announces, "Office meeting in 5 minutes," and you think, "what the f*&% do they want now?"..... You need to pray at work.

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?"..... You need to pray at work.

When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "Well at my last office...," and you want to throw a stapler at him... You need to pray at work.

When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk... You need to pray at work.

When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@$$".... You need to pray at work.

When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor, and you say "that lazy b*&%$#"...... You need to pray at work.

When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "sorry a## M#$^%F%&#s"... You need to pray at work

If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening someone's tires that you work with... You need to pray at work.

If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it is going to lead to their life story ...You need to pray at work.

If you know all the words that have been bleeped out.... You need to pray at work!

LET US ALL BOW OUR HEADS

1 Comments:

At 3:39 PM, Anonymous christy said...

hahaha, my mother is the queen of inappropriate forwarded emails. must be a southern MD thing.

 

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