Sunday, January 08, 2006

That is why...I am geisha...


- Went and saw HOSTEL tonight with Frank the spank. BITCHES I ALMOST VOMITED. So a little background, Frank and I met at this great place in Chinatown called Matchbox and I had a crazy amazing steak salad. This restaurant is sooo good, and all the patrons looked like those hot dads you used to spank it to in middle school in the J.Crew and LL Bean catalogs (of course they were homos). After dinner, where we sat between, I kid you not, a midget on a date and a drunk kid that spilled his drink all over himself and the floor, we headed over to the theater to get us some tickets. This place is one of those theaters where people like to talk back to the screen, so I knew this ultra bloody film was gonna elicit a few "OH GUUURL, GURL GET THE GUN", "GURL DON'T GO IN THERE". Turns out, it was my gay ass screaming that shit. This movie is fucking nutzo. It is the bloodiest films i have ever seen, bloodier than the "Here Comes Baby" show on the health channel. I threw-up...a little...in my mouth. The best part however, is Mr. Jay Hernandez, who happens to look like my ex. Jay makes getting your fingers cut off dead sexy. So the theatre was packed and Frank makes friends with the sassy black girls sitting next to us. Throughout the film, at each stomach churrning scene, the girls, Frank and I try to out snap each other. The winning comment (from me of course) was when an asian girl gets her eyeball all fucked up, while the rest of the the theater inhales in silent gasps, my fierce ass shouts out "That is why....I am geisha". Frank peed himself, I should really be on VH1.

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