Monday, January 16, 2006

How to love a guy in 6 months...

- So I was out to din din with the parents tonight at the amazing Matchbox ( and the questions just kept piling up...bitches wanted to know who I was dating, did I "fancy" anyone (as my mother so elegantly put it after her third martini), why have my past relationships all gone down the crapper????
So I told them I had been on a few dates, but I did not go into the hell that was my last date (the one before the Texan, which is a whole hell of another story). I told them that I was just really involved with my volunteer work and school and working out. Umm bitches wanted their grandbabies right then and there. They literally expected a grandchild to be brought out with their order of crabcakes. So anyway I digress, I decided that I would challenge myself.
I am only living in this city for 6 more months, then moving to NYC, so why not have 6 relationships, with expiration dates on none but the main emphasis should be placed not only on the relationship, but the "life lesson" (as my crazy sequin sweater wearing aunt puts it) that each pseudo-relationship contains. I chose a month for each relationship because in the past, that how long the majority of the "meat" of relationships that I have been in last. I want to pick people's brains, I want to find the real reason why people want to date (or not date) me. I want to have amazing sex, and an even more amazing time watching movies with them. I am SO gay.
OK, so here is the deal, I will push all superficial prejudices out of my crazy brain-piece and go on a date with the next guy that asks me. Now I will play the part of responsible, non emotionally retarded boyfriend/date, and he will teach me a lesson, just like on Full House (he will be the Uncle Jesse to my Kimmy Gibler). So here are the stats...6 foot 2 inches (height, not dick size), 195 pounds, 34 inch waist, blue eyes, brown hair, Indian roommate, preference for dog owners, total BBC freak. Who wants to date a Corneliusanaire????

- On another note, my bgf (best gay friend) Frank the spank just bought an apartment. I am immensely proud of him, he has no idea. I am totally gonna start filming my homeless person porn at his new place. That is why...I am geisha.


At 3:46 AM, Anonymous spunky munkey said...

the "life lesson" i most "fancy" was the one where i learned how to oralize a tubesteak.

At 8:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...



At 11:59 AM, Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders said...

I think you should go out with Carrie B. I hear she puts out.

At 9:26 PM, Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders said...


I think you should go out with Carrie B. I hear she puts out.



Post a Comment

<< Home