Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Cornelius is soooooo gay...


- How gay is he??? He got caught cheating on his liquor store with a deli.

Quick back story, I live in the Foggy Bottom area of our Nation's Crapital and my regular liquor store is in the basement of the Watergate building. Now this store has fuckloads of $800 wines that I can no way afford, but me being the congenial/constantly drunk man I am, I made friends with the super nice Korean couple that owns the joint and they started ordering anything they thought I would like, including crazy foreign vodkas and other treats for my face. We know each other so well, I actually get Christmas presents and b-day presents from them, which I guess is normal...or not. So about 6 months ago I discovered there is a deli/liquor store RIGHT ON THE NEXT BLOCK FROM MY APARTMENT!!! DC being a fucking mormon controlled city (don't pretend you didn't know), no liquor stores are supposed to sell hooch on Sundays. Well the deli gives Mayor Tony a big "FUCK YOU" and sells shit everyday. This truly makes my heart happy. I started going to the deli because it's close to me and my booze usually runs out on Saturday night and daddy needs his bloody mary on Sunday mornings or he will hurt small children living in his building. Last night I went into the Watergate liquorstore and the lady was not too pleased with me. After picking up my $7 jug of wine, I bring it to the front to be rung-up. This lady, that had loved me a week ago, proceeds to tell me that she knows that I have been taking my booze related business elsewhere. How does she know this?? She goes to fucking church with the nice Korean couple that owns the deli. She saw me stumble into the deli one night when she was coming over to visit her church friends and gurl was not happy. She then tells me all these really nasty things about the deli people to try to persuade me to come back into her Stoli filled arms. Can the children say "uncomfortable?" I paid for my wine and was on my way. When I got home, I told my roommate and she said that the deli couple had been talking to her about "bad" things that the watergate couple do. Holy fucking shit, what is going on? All I know is that from now on, I will buy 1 jug-o-wine at the deli and immediately run to the watergate to purchase another one to satiate the liquor store gods. I am so scared they are gonna kick each other's ass if they spot me "cheating" on them. God forbid they ban my ass, i'll have to start having my shit delivered by Pan-Mar liquor again.

1 Comments:

At 9:42 PM, Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders said...

I love liquor. Damn.

 

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