Saturday, November 26, 2005

On Friends and Family...And giving up the sauce

Well this Thanksgiving weekend brought the traditional dinner with the fam along with my High School reunion. It drove me to drink, something that I now have decided to GASP!!! give up. It's not that I enjoy the gradual death of my liver, or the drunken one night stands with sailors on shore leave. It's the fact that the past three arguments with friends have happened while I was in a vodka tonic rage. To have some background on this new task of mine, lets take a look at my Thanksgiving...

- My mother, dear papa and younger brother head to my the house of my gay uncle and his life partner. Thanksgiving this year was decided to by our dear, old, slightly acidic matriarch to be held at my uncle's place because according to her, "The homos will put out a nice spread". Now my Uncle and his life partner aren't the only ones in my family that are benders. In fact on my paternal side, my father and one of his brothers (who is a major asshole who has been married 4 times) are the only breeders. I have 5 gay uncles, a lezzie aunt and new to this gaggle of mo's, my cousin came out this weekend as well. Some families pass down freckles, we pass down gayness. My older brother and his fiance, a local TV news personality arrived along with the rest of the hot mess I call my family. Well my grandfather didn't leave my future sister-in-law's side the entire night, I think he wanted to hump her. Of course my gorgeous niece was in attendance, and loves me more than anyone in the family. She calls me Uncle Coco, which is endearing yet slightly tranvestite-ish. For my niece, every family gathering is like Christmas for her. She gets presents from everyone whenever she pops her little head in the room. I of course am no exception, as a token of my dedication to the Queendom of Alyssa, I got her a Dora the Explorer lip gloss set (she hearts make-up) and boy did she go to town. Throughout the entire 3 hour dinner she re-applied her whorish pink gloss over 60 times. She's so glamorous. Well besides the quasi-racist rantings of my delirious great aunt Beulah, and my newly minted lezzie cousin making out with her GIANT girlfriend, everything seemed to go normally. We did have a great spread thanks to the homos. 2 turkeys, stuffed ham, ect ect. It all made me a little crazy which brings me to....

- My high school reunion/fist fight. Just kidding it wasn't really a fist fight but there were some verbal jabs being thrown. All I have to say is that no one goes to their reunions to catch up with old friends, we go to judge, make biting comments about peoples post high school plastic surgeries and make fun of the girls that had babies, because we all know that vaginas are gross. Well, I decided to meet up with my two best friends from home for some drinks and a rousing game of Taboo with my other friend Miss Christie before heading to the reunion. The predrink went well, and we went to the reunion sufficiently buzzed. We mingled, judged, and critiqued and headed out to stop by the apartment before my friends headed home. I have no idea how, but a huge argument erupted between my two friends and I and all hell broke loose. They criticized me for my "Urban" lifestyle or something like that and said that I was too uppity for them. I called them cunts and told them they are just jealous of me and would never amount to anything. They shot back at me, saying that I had no friends. We are no longer talking. 10 years of friendship ended by one night of drunken soul expunging. Over the years I guess we had drifted apart, my life here in the big city, their lives in small towns. It's really sad that we allowed this drift to occur. I guess all I can say in the end is that try not to let this drift happen with you and your friends. It sucks, and when paired with booze, it has a tendency to be unleashed. That is why I am giving up the sauce, that and the fact that I saw some special on MSNBC about the effect of alcohol on your skin, not pretty.


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