Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I got kicked out of class for breaking a monkey's skull...

- One of the sad things about transferring colleges is that many of your basic credits don't transfer with ya. Goodbye Organic Chemistry at GW, hello freshmen anthropology at UMD. This class sucks my balls. All we do is watch National Geographic movies about "Lost Tribes" apparently not only have they lost their clothing, but also the ancient art of circumcision. I have had to excuse myself from class twice because foreskins make me nauseous, and I would much rather visit the caged animals in the chemistry building. Well anyway, the lab that is required for this class meets every Wednesday for 2 hours. ADD kicks in hardcore upside my headpiece. Basically it's 13 freshmen fawning over me because I can buy beer...and lots-o-monkey bones. Apparently since we are not in the "Advanced" Anthro class they don't break out the human skeletons so we have to make do with the bones of chimps, gibbons, spider monkeys and a gorilla that my T.A. has named Mr. Bananas (My T.A. is either retarded and can't find her helmet or an Anthropology grad student, I am betting on the first). When talking about the skeletal structure of said gorilla we must phrase statements like this, "Mr. Banana's broad scapula spread means he is most likely to be useless climbing a tree". This has made me feel even more stupid than I normally do. Today I got my revenge. In lab each group is assigned one on Mr. Banana's major bone systems. My group got the cranium, top vertebrate and clavicle. Now Retardo the T.A. lays these on our table and what is the first thing I do...Take the top of Mr. Banana's skull off and whip out a cigg (unlit) and pretend his big old head is an ashtray. My group giggles like school girls. I continue yukking it up and pick up the top half of the skull and place it on my head, SHALOM!!!!! It magically morphs into a yarmukle and I am the first Jew on the block to get a gorilla skull god cap. Well as I was playing Yentel, the skull slips, hits the side of my table and shatters into 300 pieces. I was promptly kicked out of class. Not only was I kicked out but I have to explain to my parents why there is gonna be a $250 charge on my college bill for "Replacement Gorilla Skull". Somehow I don't think they are gonna grasp the concept of Mr. Banana's and his adventure in Judaism.

- On Saturday I am heading to Baltimore (aka Scabies-ville) to go to a BLACK HOMO CLUB!!!! It's this clib called the Paradox, and on the third Saturday of every month, they hold a vogue contest. Like old school, "Paris Is Burning" contest. Cha Cha and some other millitant black lesbians have offered their services as bodyguards so bitched don't slice a fucker. IT"S ALL GONNA BE OVER, but at least I can get all dead and shit while listening to some good old b-more go-go.

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