Sunday, June 05, 2005

Work related poetry...And my mom is adopting a panda.

- So y'all know how much I love my job, good money, minimal work, fun people (in leather slings) anyway, Me being the poet that I am, was bored at work and decided to write some sonnets dedicated to my bar and its patrons. And it goes a lil something like this...

- Timmy's Daddy Done Got a Secret -
Dear Timmy, where has daddy gone
Off to Whole Foods, to bed with a yawn
A late night meeting, to pick up the slack?
NO, daddy has a bears dick up his crack!
Now mommy don't know, so this is our truce
After a few V and T's dad tries to seduce.
Now those nights you see your dad out of sorts
It's because he's into watersports.
He stands by the urinal, glass in his hand
Drinking it as sexily as one can.
Now your dad's friend Charles is really a whore
That's why he has clothes from the bestest of stores.
And you with no bookbag for the semester
Because he sold your virginity to a molester.
So you may have noticed your pa's wedding band is gone
It's lodged in the ass of some trick named Ron.
Now Ron is a nice man with kids just like you
And like your father he gets aroused by being covered in poo.
Now this sneaking and lying is no longer a fad
Order a cosmo your dad is a fag.

- Why Men Over the Age of 40 Should Be Shot -
Why don't I smile you ask me while I pass
It's because you tried to stick your thumb up my ass
You may have heard the rumor that bartenders are "fun"
But fuck your money bitch, I gots a trust fund.
You have more hair on your back than your head
10 more years your ass is dead
So I guess I understand why you want my dick
But fucking a corpse makes me feel so sick
So go back your your assisted living community and learn how to deal
The only boner you will be getting is from your pureed Thanksgiving meal.


- On a side note, my mom is having a birfday, we ran out of ideas, we adopted one of the pandas at the zoo in her name...Isn't that $1500 worth of fun? (My brothers wanted to get her a Starbucks card)

I WIN!!!!!


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