Friday, June 10, 2005

BE MY OBSESSION

The MTV show Next. I LOVE how they actually have a large amount of fags on this show. The premise is that you go on five dates in one night, if you don't like your first date, you say "Next" and they bring out another glitter farting homo for you to make pottery, get your sack waxed, make iron-on tee's with. Well I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOVE how when they have a fag date going on, all they non daters end up hooking up with each other. Of course this show is taped in Hollywood, so everyone is a giant slut/actor/waiter/retail queen, so they have no prob with swapping some spit if it gets them a walk on role on That's So Raven, or Degrassi. Here's how I would see my date as going...

DATE #1: Tuan - Dancer at local go-go club and family studies major
DATE ACTIVITY - Picnic on the mall.
Cornelius - Hey, I was thinking, it's 99 degrees and 150% humidity, would you like to have a picnic on the mall.
Tuan - Bitch I be allergic to carbs, I want to hump this tree.
Cornelius - NEXT!!!

DATE #2: Charles - Georgetown Law Student
DATE ACTIVITY - Happy hour at JR's
Charles - Hi, I am Charles, I like volunteering, reading to retarded kids, and I am hoping to do human rights law.
Cornelius - Oh my god...I...am...soooo wasted. I just got a handjob in the bathroom.
Charles - NEXT
Cornelius - Fuck you bitch, suck my fat cock, I hate you, you are trash, do you know who the fuck I am bitch???

DATE #3: Marcello - Junior Psych Major
DATE ACTIVITY - String art on the White House lawn
Cornelius - Hey, I am Cornelius, tell me a little about yourself.
Marcello - I am an heir to a multi-million dollar vodka empire and I love dogs, plus I am good in bed.
Cornelius - WINNER!!!

The truth shall set you free bitches...I am so wasted right now.

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