Monday, May 16, 2005

I belong in mensa, Wrote a paper about black Wang, Am being stalked, Two fags in a fountain and other musings...

- Finals rock. I totally forget how smart I am until finals time. While the rest of the bitches are studying and giving handjobs for passing grades, I have teachers telling me that it's not necessary to take the final because I can still get an A in the class because of my participation and extra credit. Fuck the haters...go write yo papers.

- I finished my thesis, It rocks out with its (large black socially conscious) cock out. It ended up being 47 pages, which basically boils down to me not having a life as fag-tastic as one would think this past semester. Couple that with the fact I am taking 19 credits, mentoring an English as a second language student and bartending on the weekend, it's a wonder that Cornelius gets any dick at all...but I manage. SNAP UPSIDE YOUR CELIBATE HEADS!!!

- I am currently in the process of filing a restraining order!!! (just like my bestest friends, the movie stars Nicole Kidman and Richard Gere!!) Nothing says "I don't want to get womb implant surgery and have your crazy love chil'rens" like a restraining order delivered by a hot ass cop that makes Mr. T look like a baton twirling majorette at a pride parade. It seems that this person (I know who you are asshole) feels spurned by me and took it upon themselves to send me harassing text messages and comments on my blog. Well homo don't play that. I will fucking castrate you bitch. How dumb do you think I am when you send me text messages pretending to be my friend when my friend is sitting across the table from me. Shame Shame Shame on you, you should have brushed up on your CSI: Miami episodes because what you have been doing is considered a "Viable Threat - malice aforethought with intent to harm" Now won't that make your parent's happy to know that you won't be able to get a job because when future employers do a background check, they'll see a previous police record with he words SEXUAL HARASSMENT attatched. Have fun being a retail queen. Do you not realize who the fuck you are fucking with? I get Starbucks baristas fired over luke-warm lattes, you expect me to let this slide? I definitely have enjoyed watching you deteriorate internally. You forget how easy it is to track people online, especially when you go through a website like vtext.com and have the audacity to leave your ISP address.

- This past week has been a lil to Out of Control for dear ole Cornelius. Thursday night I had Carter and Mike over for some jungle juice fun. Lets just say that whatever jungle came up with that juice should be mowed down and replaced with a Payless Shoes, Cosi, and some store that sells baby clothes. We got wasted here, so much that Mike turned into Chester (the mollester), and Carter and I decided to go to an "after party". While I can't tell the sordid details, the evening ended when I told Carter he was a giant slut and was going to get The Herpes. I left him in our cab...in the middle of the city...with no money. I am normally not an asshole, it was the jungle juice talking.

- Some (incredibly intuitive/crazy as a fox) man on the metro called me "Whitey". Now lemme see...was it my v-neck sweater, flip flops, or WHITE SKIN that gave it away. And all my brotha's said I was down...lies...all lies.

- Saturday night: The publication of my thesis party. The lezzie, gay, straight, other creme de la creme of my AIM buddy list was here. Bitches even rode the metro to get here, now that is either dedication, of crippling alcoholism. Well we all got drizzy, and it started getting late. Carte and I had to go meet people at Cobalt so we bounced, with about 10 people still in my apartment. I just told them not to steal anything and lock up, it was all gravy. we proceeded to Hoe-balt and got out drink/groove/stumble on and realized we didn't have enough money for a cab all the way home. So I told the cabbie to take us to one of my favorite corners in DC, 23rd and P. there is a little fountain there, big enough for two fags to play "softcore porn" in. It's one of a handful of potable (re: drinkable) fountains in DC. Well my drunk ass dove in, Carter took a lil more convincing so I pushed his gay ass in. Nipples erect, water glistening off our drunken bodies, tricks walking by did a double take to make sure it wasn't a Seancody.com shoot. It was def something out of a movie aka Cornelius's fucked up brain piece. Well people were gathering and we decide that we did not feel like getting arrested in the state that we were in so be bounced. As soon as I got home, I passed the fuck out. I was woken up by Carter and his glamorous/titty-liscious roommate Tiffany when they were headed out the door. On my computer was a little post it note that summed up the week. I read..."Dear Cornelius, Stop rubbing your cock in your sleep, Tiffany and Carter". My week was so good, even I had to give myself a hand.

- Congratulations to all the graduating seniors. Bitches is done with testin. Keep in touch, I wish you nothing but the best. Come visit my ass. This summer is gonna rock box (and I ain't talkin bout no cardboard).

- Next posting: Is a hate crime possible in a gay class?

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