Monday, April 25, 2005

The password is "Streetwalker Twat"

- Yes my readers...I saw me some pus-say. Not just any pussy but grade L more really grade V hooker pussy. I was walking home from work Sunday night (after a pity-filled evening of the Gay Mens Choir of DC bastardizing Dusty Springfield songs) I was turning onto 14th street, and what sterilization inducing sight greets me? A 400 pound prostitute lifting up her Lane Bryant pleather skirt. Well after I swallowed the lil bit of vomit that was in my mouth I did what most people would do, I started laughing uncontrollably at her. She started cussing at me and trying to waddle after me calling me a fag and a pussy. What I wanted to wittily retort back was that there was no way in hell I could be a pussy because she seemed to own all of them and kept them under her jazzy ensemble.
- On the upside, I get to walk home at 3am across the city from Thomas Circle to Foggy Bottom and besides the random cum-guzzler, I usually don't see a soul so you know what that means...I can sing my lil gay heart out. From Paris Hilton's Screwed to Ladytron's Playgirl, I just belt my shit. DC looks oddly like a movie set when there aren't any people around. It's my private backlot and I take full advantage of it.
- Last night at work, it was, no lie, Deaf Leather Night!!!! At first I thought I had heard wrong and thought it was a night dedicated to the Glam-tastic Hair band Def Leppard but not so much. It was a bunch of fat, old, hairy, leather harness-clad faggolas that kept slipping me notes saying, "You're pretty". What the fuck is that? Pretty? I am the fucking embodiment of Masculine beauty, not pretty. Ponies are pretty, sunsets on qualudes are pretty, I am hot damnit. The highlight of the evening was however when one of my hearing impaired buds slipped on some beer or something and crashed to the ground effectively pinching his tatersack in his metal and leather undies...his cries of agony sounded like a Orca giving birth.

Oh deaf people you are truly the deafest people ever!!!

Hearts and Down syndrome Kittens,
Cornelius

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