Saturday, April 09, 2005

And you thought Pride was gay...

I watched the Cherry Blossom parade today. It's weird that I have lived my whole live either in or right outside DC and have never played "Tourist" and gone and seen it. So I swallowed my pride and put some fresh batteries in my digi-cam. Well lets just say the parade cemented the idea of DC being NYC's brainy stepsister that doesn't get as many dates but is still respected because she can answer all the questions on Jeopardy... To start off, I had no idea that people from around the world vacation here, I ran into people from Canada, Kentucky, France and a whole shitload of people from China (Thanks for Ling Ling and Hsing Hsing!). The tidal basin is actually one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my whole life. It's like a gay dream, soft pink petals are strewn across footpaths and a gentle perfume, not the standard Tidal Basin stench, tempts your olfactory system until you orgasm with botanical delights...oopsie I just jizzed on Constitution Ave. The parade is like the bastard child of the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade and The Pride Festival.
One thing I did not find kick-ass was the parade commentator, some guy from News Channel 8, which no one watches, kept making sake jokes whenever an Asian group performing in the parade "went into ethnic displays". He also decided to take it upon himself to ask every Asian person if they felt proud to be Chinese!!!! What the fuck Chip McStone or whatever your name is? I doubt you would go to the Howard University Homecoming parade and make malt liquor jokes...But then again it is News Channel 8. Also the other thing I found a little weird was the little habit the dancing performers had of counting out their dance steps under their breath. I literally watched a spandex clad bitch with a blossom hat on her noggin mouth "ONE, TWO, KICK BALL-CHANGE, STEP, STEP, PAUSE, JAZZ HANDS! You are ruining my illusion of spontaneous dancing you fucks.
Also I have decided that all youth Choirs are extremely gay, gayer than they were when I was in middle school. I guess there was a Supreme Court ruling that allows choir directors to be as sassy as de wanna be. Perhaps there is a monetary incentive program in place. $10 for sashaying, $25 for calling a little girl fat. It's a long way from my teacher Mr. Hudson who had to keep his Liza-bility in the closet, ironically that's the same place he used to make the boys in choir change into our performance tuxes while he watched...tangent, my bad.

Also there was a Chipolte burrito float...DC CHERRY BLOSSOM PARADE RULES.


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