Tuesday, April 12, 2005

(410) 610 - HORNAY

I had phone sex for the first time today. Well to be honest it was really one-sided phone sex, I was doing homework and he was (current event joke) pettin' his pope. This kid saw me on (surprise surprise) facebook and called me because I am a fucking retard and put my phone number under my profile. Well masturbation is like procrastination, it feels right until you realize you are only fucking yourself, and I thought "What an interesting sociological insight on the anonymity of sexual experiences" so I put him on speaker phone and continued my Lexus Nexus search of blue book laws. The convo went a lil bit like this...

Him: Oh man...What are you wearing?
Me: (In jeans and Oxford shirt) My boxer briefs and wifebeater.
Him: Oh yeah that's sooo hot, what color?
Me: Black.
Him: Black is sooo fuckin hot, can you see your cock through your underwear?
Me: (In the kitchen pouring some tea) yeah bitch, it's all in there.
Him: I want you (moan) to face fuck me.
Me: (stirring in Splenda) fuck yeah bitch can you take it all?
Him: yeah I want it all, hit me with it.
Me: (loading stapler) I'm gonna give your bitch ass a black eye with my dick.
Him: yeah beat me with it, hit my face.
Me: (contained shock/laughter) I'm pulling your hair, you like that boy?
Him: fuck yeah, I like it rough...Hard man.
Me: I'm gonna break you.
Him: break me (moan) break me.
Me: how does it feel to be my bitch, you like it don't you?
Him: I want it
Me: (printing Lexus-Nexus search results) What do you want say it, I want you to say it.
Him: I want you now
Me: Are you almost done? I want to hear it bitch
Him: Almost (ahhhhh) soon....(30 seconds later) AHHHHHH
Me: you done?
Him: God...Yeah, you?
Me: Almost finished...Printing out my bibliography for my paper.
Him: What?
Me: I said I am almost finished printing out my bibliography for my paper.
Him: you mean you weren't jerking off?
Me: Ummm no. I was doing research for a paper.
Him: You ruined my fantasy.
Me: Darn.
(click)

Now THAT'S multi-tasking bitches...

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