Thursday, March 10, 2005

Richard Johnson sucks man-heat

I wake up every morning, put on some sweats, tell my hairless Thai lady-boy maid Phung-Tak to make me some coffee and get my bath going and ease myself infront of the ole PC. I surf the web for approx. 30 minutes looking for a little gossip and smut to brighten my day. The first place I usually go is Page Six. If you haven't been there it is all about the rich and famous bitches of NY and LA (aka all my exes) and how fucking stupid they are because they forget that print media is still read. Page six usually never lets me down, but the past few weeks all they can talk about is fucking MIKE EISNER, yeah you know the head of GODDAMN DISNEY WORLD. Um ba'scuse me when did some cialis popping, mouse humping middle aged man become a "Celebrity". Yeah I understand the bitch ass has money but C'mon they crazy Dutch lady who lives in the apartment next to me has a fucking Renoir in her kitchen, do they write about how all her furniture is made from Tupperware? NO! So this is a silent protest aimed at Page Six and Dick Johnson, the editor (total sleezeball as seen on Project Run-Away-From-Wendy-Pepper), Dick, you need to find some new good shit, preferably not involving middle aged limp dicks and their agents, lawyers or (vomit) domestic staff. We want Beyonce found on Ave. A with a traffic cone stuck up her baby gate, Kevin Federline riding a tiger through FAO Schwartz, Nick (Le)Sashay servicing the busboys at NOBU. WE WANT DIRT BITCH. Or a CUT will be coming your way courtesy of my Harijuku girls, ya feel me.

In related news, Apparently Bruce Willis had his wiener returned to him after Ashton shamed his man-hood, because he sure is feeling his grits...with a Mean (My tattoo is as classy as my father) Girl.

Cheers bitches


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