Wednesday, March 30, 2005

An open letter to the UMD swim team

Dear Terp Swimmers,
My speedo-clad, Nair-worshipping wonders...I think what you do is amazing, I wish I could major in swimology while minoring in sausage smuggling. Anyway one of your members (name rhymes with Seven) found me on Facebook.com and contacted me last night looking for some good old fashioned brown love. Not only was he overtly aggressive in his persuit of wang happiness but he even went as far as to send me a picture of him naked, which I immediately sent to my friend Kia. Not don't get me wrong he had alot to offer, even though his offer had a slight right curve to it.
I digress, apparently he has seen AKA stalked me outside of one of my classes. Like so many others before him, he wanted a slice of man pie a la Cornelius. Well Homie don't play dat. I admit I have had my hoeing days, days where I would not think twice about recieving a hummer in the microfiche room in McKeldin Library, but I have had my fun, time to settle down, hence the "Reason to Date Cornelius" postings.
Well Rhymes With "Seven" caught me at a weak moment. I was still drunk on power afforded to me from the highest grade out of my sociology class on my midterm. I arranged a little get together this morning in Tydings Hall which I did not plan on showing up to. Sticking to my plan I totally didn't even go near to Tydings and instead headed to french class. Well after class i check my voicemail, lemme just say, your man was sweating my sack hardcore. I contacted him later tonight via IM and told him the danger in his ways, he could get jumped, STD's or even worse, end up hooking up with a nasty janitor. He immediately blocked me, I think he was crushed. It's understandable, I mean he did think he was going to see me naked. I am such a bitch. Well if you see Rhymes with "Seven", tell him that I still think he is sad, he should tell his girlfriend (which he also sent me naked pics of) that he likes getting fucked in bathrooms and that I don't need anonymous sex as long as I have my hand.

Love,
Cornelius

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