Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Dear Cornelius, Will you be my Friendster Friend? Signed Loser from NOVA

Hookers,

What is up with these bitches that contact me through friendster? Apparently my blog has reached more than the people I thought it had (Readership is at an all time high of 12 people, GOLD STAR FOR CORNELIUS). Anyway, so I am avoiding writing another paper on black mandingo wieners and decide to check my email. Oh looky looky someone wants to be my friendster friend, and he done sent me a message. So I open it and it's all "you are funny, I sweat your ball sack, you are the coolest person ever ect". The gist of this message from this potential friendster friend is that he wants a piece and wanted to ask for my hand in friendstership before getting on the wiener train at the Dry-Humperville station and getting off at Trick-ass-bitch-land. So hey, I am single, his pic looked hot so I check out his profile.

Here are the reasons why I will never open any messages from him again, lets begin...

1. He has an interest in "musical theatre" aka wets his panties when someone mentions Julie Andrews or CATS.

2. All his pictures have 3 things in common, lots of hair gel, Abercrombie shirts and some really drunk looking fat girl hanging on him in them. All three are things that make me want to have aforementioned fatty smash in my testes with her fake ass Ugg boots from Old Navy.

3. His music choices are gayer than a black boy named LeDuane jumping double dutch while singing The Greatest Love by one Miss Whitney Houston while his friend holds his bonnie bell lip gloss. CUT! SLICE!

4. He makes it a point to say in his profile that he is "ahem" straight...Bitch must have sucked a dick laced with crack...fag hags in your profile pics, abercrombie, and contacting Cornelius over friendster does not constitute straight, unless it's opposite day fruitcake.

5. He uses Gaybonics which is a jargon that can be found in communities where there is a high level of glitter lotion application. He was all "Boi" this and winking in his profile with emoticon shit. Your emoticons make me want to hurt children that look like you.

Dear God please make me a bird so I can fly far far away from this retard's internet advances.

Also on a sad note, my parents (Mr. and Mrs. ATM) are slowly cutting off my financial support, they mentioned something about a budget...I cried like a bitch. Oh Yeah Miss Kia (www.exceptionalkia.com) sliced her finger off by fingering a chocolate robot, lets all pray she doesn't get tetanus and the chocolate was worth it. AMEN!!

Cheers Bitches.

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